Fire Emblem: The Silly Stones
by Lord-Pisces
Summary: Sain and I venture to the land of Magvel where an awful lot of silly things happen. Story is better than Summary. Enjoy.


Fire Emblem: The Silly Stones

Chapter 1: They are our Only Hope… Were Doomed.

Once in the land of lore and lollypops, a continent called Magvel was under attack from a total jerk called the Demon King. He put the world into darkness and did a variety of other mean things. The worst however was when he stole the continents flapjacks! Then, it was personal. The greatest hero of them all, the greatest flapjack fan in all the land, a man named Grado became ticked. Very ticked indeed. He and his pathetic companions, whose names aren't named because they suck, sealed five pieces of the king in one small handheld rock each. Ouch. So the five stones were passed down to the- Oh go play the game!

Meanwhile in the present…

King Fado of Renais was in a festive mood.

"Well daughter," he said to Princess Eirika. "Our former allies of Grado have turned on us, your brother is missing and death is knocking at the door!"

"And why are you so happy father?" Eirika didn't look up from her nail polishing work.

"It's not safe for you in the castle anymore," Fado looked like he was about to dance a jig. "I have to kick you out! My days of being a single parent to twins are over! Wee!"

"What?" Eirika now thought this issue important. "But I can't leave! I have five million more people to call today. And I can't leave my dollies!"

"Sir," spoke out General Seth. "I understand your joy. Congratulations."

"Thanks Seth," said Fado. "Your reliability is why I'm sending you to baby sit her."

"What?" Seth was now not so glad to be on this side of the war. "But sir I'm not reliable at all! I steal money behind your back, I draw graffiti on the castle walls, and I'm the father of your stepchild!"

"Well if that's all true," the king's smile never wavered. "Then I punish you by making you baby sit my daughter!"

"Nuts!" Seth knew he was stuck.

Later…

Eirika and Seth reluctantly trudged out of the castle followed by the girl man Franz whose arms were full of Eirika's dollies.

"But why do I have to go?" Whined the young pansy.

"Because", snapped Seth. "If something goes horribly wrong, I need a political meat shield. You'll do just fine."

At this, Franz burst into tears and ran away crying, leaving the dollies behind him.

"Of all the knights in the castle," muttered Seth. "I get stuck with the sensitive crybaby."

Just then, a trio of wyvern riders flew towards the princess and the General. The silver haired one in violet armor, obviously the leader, led his mount a step forward and spoke.

"Prepare your blades fools. I am Valter, Moonstone of the Grado Empire, and you…" he then noticed the dolls at the feet of Eirika and Seth. "Am I interrupting something?"

"No!" Seth and Eirika blushed furiously.

"Now normally this would take an hour or two but I'm bored." Valter said. "If I could just get on with the stabbing process, we can take the princess and be on our way."

Had anyone been looking at the sky at this point, they would have noticed three dots in almost perfect alignment with the three wyvern riders, heading in their direction. The attention of all on the ground was then drawn to the center dot when it got close enough to reveal a flying robed teenager who let out a long shrieking battle cry. Then to the horror of everyone, especially Valter's wyvern, the teen flew up the rectum of said wyvern.

"That's just plain gross!" moaned Eirika as the poor flying lizard let out a howl of pain.

The other two dots made themselves known as well. One was a brown haired Paladin in green armor, who accidentally knocked one knight off his wyvern. The other was the paladin's horse, who knocked the other knight off his mount.

"Reinforcements," shouted Valter. "All units return to the capital!"

Valter's wyvern farted the teen out at Eirika's feet before taking off followed by the two rider less wyverns, their riders running after them.

Eirika sized up the person at her feet. He had blonde hair with white streaks and glasses, both of which were foreign to her. His robes were in the style of a bishop, except they were mostly blue and yellow with the insignia of two fish tied together at the tails on the chest. He had saved her life and normally would have deserved an awkward romantic moment. However, the method he used far outweighed the result.

"Get away from me you creep!" Eirika booted the boy away from her.

"Ouch! Hey lady calm down!"

"Well who can blame her Pisces?" The paladin who had mounted his steed retorted. "You just got farted out of a wyvern!"

"I can't choose my target Sain!"

"Forgive him my lady," Sain, the paladin, said as he rode next to Eirika in within a fraction of a second. "I am Sain, paladin of Caelin. And my contrary companion over there is the village idiot."

"Me?" Pisces exclaimed. "Give me a break! I am Pisces, unmatched tactician from another dimension, and this is my muse Sain the womanizing cross-dresser!"

"I am not a cross-dresser! You set me up to wear that dress!"

"Princess," Seth whispered to Eirika. "These men are either idiots or Grado spies. We should leave them."

"Wait," Eirika said. "They're definitely idiots but they don't feel like spies to me. There's some kind of imbecilic purity about them. They aren't evil. We could use their help."

"Very well," Seth gave in. "You, bum fellow. You say you are a tactician. We have no need of just a tactician."

Pisces then grabbed Seth by the collar and proceeded to slap him around a hundred times. "Every male soldier needs a tactician skippy. Women don't because they're smart, but I can't trust people like you to make decisions on the battlefield."

"Okay, alright," Seth whined. "Just don't hurt me again. How do we leave here. There are enemies to the west, east and south!"

"Uh…" Pisces stared blankly. "We go north? Why didn't you tell him that?"

Eirika shrugged, "I didn't want to ruin his moment. He likes to play the hero."

"Well," said Pisces, "It's ruined. Let's get out of here."

And so our four heroes leave the fallen castle to go about their business. But who are these two new faces, Pisces the village idiot and Sain the womanizing cross-dresser? What are they're intentions? Does anybody care?


End file.
